by Tash Hunt

This week was a really tough week.  Following the scan in June we felt hopeful that the last week’s scan would show good results. Pete had not had any returning pain and although his blood levels were very low and he was very tired, he seemed fairly well.  The scan showed that the latest treatment had not worked, and that the cancer had spread quite significantly through the lymph nodes.  

This news has really rocked us and tested our faith.  Up until now we have always said: “It is only in one place”. We used this as a reason to hope that the treatment would work. I also comforted myself in that the recent treatment in Addenbrookes was costing nearly a million pounds, so I put my hope in the amount it was worth.  

As soon as we got this latest news, I felt so strongly that everything else was stripped away and instead of putting hope in treatment or the size of the cancer, now it was “Only God!”  Only God can look after us, heal Pete and give peace and hope in such a terrifying time. 

I almost felt a stirring that I was ready to jump back into living only for Him.  When Pete was away for 7 weeks in Cambridge, I had to live with such reliance on God to get through each day.  Once Pete was home and we started to resume normal family life again this ebbed away a bit.  I felt an eagerness to get that reliance back. 

I have cried many, many tears this week.  Our thoughts have had to shift a bit and have an awareness of the gravity of the situation.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that God can heal Pete.  I am amazed at His provision, at each turn there has been a new treatment.  The next treatment was only approved the day before Pete’s scan results, and he has been allowed early access to it.  What a God we have who provides for us in every way.  He goes before us and prepares his provision for us. 

This treatment will be a long haul – it will take 36 weeks and will be administered every week.  I feel so desperately sad that that Pete has to undergo further treatment that will have horrid side effects.  He really is the strongest man I know.  He takes on each new chapter with determination, humility and an absolute trust in God. 

I went for a long walk on the beach with the dog and cried out to God. I asked Him why he can’t just heal Pete and why he doesn’t just put a banner in the sky for all to see Him – I was looking at a vapour trail in the sky at the time and was thinking how many people could see that vapour trail. I felt God say that how much more amazing is Pete’s story and the way the church has looked after us and His amazing provision for us. This is greater than any picture in the sky and how much more this will impact those around us.  

I was really reminded that I believe in a living God, not just a story from long ago but a Living God.  He is with me in absolutely all I do and every thought I have.  He has experienced all sadness, all worry and anxiety and understands and loves me through mine. 

My role as a wife and mother has changed over the last 2 years.  I have had to do lots of the things that we used to share, and I have had to try to parent our children alone a lot of the time.  I have felt robbed of the life we used to have and the way we used to share our parenting. Again, God has been with me in it all.  Yes, it is different and yes, it has often felt very costly, but I have never been alone. 

God has led me through and given me peace and wisdom.  I look to Him again to help me again through the next chapter.  Only God….once again!