by Tash Hunt

I’ve not posted on the blog before due to being quite fearful of sharing too much on social media about me and the boys whilst on this journey. However, over the past week or so I have felt I should share this as it may encourage others. Firstly over the last 18 moths I have heard God in a way that I never had before despite having been a Christian for nearly 30 years. I have experienced a peace that has surpassed all understanding. Every time I have been totally overwhelmed God has given me a supernatural strength and calm and I have heard his voice so clearly. That is not to say I am not really frightened and I do cry most days and feel such sorrow for the cost to our family and the daily pain that I see Pete in.

When Pete was initially diagnosed, after the total shock and sadness I was really calm and optimistic as everyone told us it was very treatable. I had a clear picture of God being like the lion that roars at the beginning of older films and I knew He was roaring over our story!

However, when the cancer returned in Sept 22 I felt like a sieve and the hope was seeping out of the holes. I felt so low. Pete then had a stem cell transplant and further chemo. I started to have hope for healing again and even started planning how I would tell people about God’s love and healing once I could say he was clear of cancer.

Very quickly after the treatment Pete was in pain again and the hope started to seep away again. We were told the tumour was still there and Pete would need a very new treatment at Addenbrookes hospital. The fear really grew in me. I focused on worst case scenarios.

Twice I had a very clear picture whilst walking my dog across the fields. A pheasant was running along the path in front of me. My dog was desperate to chase it and was pulling to try to get to it. Both times the pheasants could have moved to the side of the path and taken refuge in the long grass, instead they stayed in front of the thing they were terrified of. God clearly showed me I should stop running in front of the fear and focusing on the fear when I could take refuge in God and look to the Him instead of staying in front of the things that I’m worried about.

I started to be challenged about my hope in God and felt I had to decide if I really believed God could heal Pete and I knew I did whole heartedly believe he could! I then started to really focus on my hope in God.

In everyday language hope always has an element of doubt…you might say I hope it won’t rain…there is no certainty. In the bible hope means the confident expectation of what God has promised (Hebrews 11:1, Romans 8:24-25)

To truly have hope in God there is no doubt. I feel God showed me that hope in Him is beautiful and it might focus around a dream or situation that you hope will come about. It changes as you journey with God and see more of His heart.

However, as it changes and continues to grow. It does not just grow bigger though it actually blossoms into something beautiful. By having certainty in God and a knowledge that his plans will prosper and not harm you (Jeremiah 29:11), your hope in him gives you a peace and joy that seems so incongruous with your situation to those around you.

So, I’m focusing on my hope being strong and blossoming and not allowing this beautiful hope to seep away through a sieve.