Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3‭-‬5 NIVUK

During all the emotions of my first chemo session I prayed.  It was the most pathetic prayer of my life…”Could you heal me?“. Of course he could, I believe that. Perhaps I lacked faith or conviction, either way it didn’t feel like the right prayer to pray. 

I then prayed what, for me at least, felt like the most profound prayer I’ve ever prayed…”God I don’t want to go through all this and not be changed“.

Truth is I didn’t really know what this meant for me, only that I didn’t want things to stay as they were, particularly in my relationship with God.

These verses describe the process of change that can happen when we endure through suffering.  It changes us and develops our character.  But the end point here is hope, and hope “does not put us to shame“.

Earlier this year we got a dog and spent ages deciding on a name.  We just couldn’t agree.  Eventually our kids came up with the name Hope.  It was such a lovely moment that our children chose this, it was such a perfect fit. Although having a young dog has many challenges, it has brought a welcome distraction for my wife and children.  It’s been a great reminder to us of the hope we have even in the midst of our own challenges and its a great conversation starter when we meet others.

Real hope isn’t about keeping your fingers crossed and wishing things would turn out OK. Real hope is born out of experiencing God’s work in our lives.  I’ve heard it described as a “confident expectation”.  We grow in confidence that God will come through when we see what he has already done in our lives.   And expectation that he has good things for us; “for those who love God all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28 ESV)

Our hope is made possible through Jesus.  He knows what it’s like to go through suffering, to face pain, rejection and isolation.  He faced death for us, so we have the hope of an eternity with him. So, whatever we go through, we can reach out to Jesus and know he gets it!  He has given us a reason to hope.

I know I’m somehow being changed while I go through this.  I may not understand how or why.  It may be I’ll only see it in the future when I look back.  But I do know he will finish what he has started in me (Philippians 1:6).  While he does this, I live in hope, in the confident expectation that God has great things for me and my family.